A PRAYER

Humor in Pakistan is Alive and Well
Political Satire : Fight Against EMERGENCY-ism??Installing Democracy via Democracy Prayers
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Installing Democracy via Democracy Prayers





By

Muhammad Ahsan Akbar





Context:



Whenever there is a Martial Law, EMERGENCY, or a Mini Martial Law in the country, as seen throughout the history of Pakistan, there is an evidently consistent tendency amongst the POLITICIANS, ACTIVISTS and the INTELLECTUAL ELITE of Pakistan to look towards the WEST with wanting eyes for a DIVINE HELP/SUPPORT …whereas the POWER HUB should be the people of Pakistan, the INTELLECTS try to seek the WESTERN APPROVALS as an inevitable necessity to clear the HIGHWAY to DEMOCRACY

If something is being wronged with the people of Pakistan, the primary and the sole responsibility to undo the wrong doing, lies with the people of Pakistan and not anywhere else...

Good, Bad or Ugly, but it is our job,

SOONER OR LATER ...EVEN A HUNDRED YEARS LATER...WE WILL HAVE TO DO IT OURSELVES!!!!







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To fight the (D)EVIL OF EMERGENCY…to fight this PLAGUE…to put the JINNIE BACK INTO THE BARRACKS…WE…that is…the COALITION against EMERGENCY-ism…WE have got to DO something…WE have got to think out of the box…Well, you know what, I have got the best idea you can ever think of, no think tank or analyst can ever have a hit upon the type of KOOL idea that I have got…its kind of a divine revelation…



O the Peoples of Pakistan!!

let us forget about all our differences and ,straight away, let us head towards the nearest Mosque to offer the PERIODIC RITUAL of the DEMOCRACY PRAYERS...let us all turn our faces toward the U.S, if you belong to a different Masliq, even then its not a problem, you can also face towards E.U Headquarters, if you have got any issues with the EU, rest assure that nothing can stand in the way of our UNITY AND FAITH…if you have any grievances with EU , you can also pull up your faces towards the Holy Downing Street …options are also available to face towards the Common Wealth…we have also got facilities for the Takfiries…but that’s a surprise package which wont be made public for the reasons of security…



Azaan

”The Call for the Prayer”



(Although, EMERGENCY alone was well enough a call for the prayer)



“

No matter who you are…the blacks, the whites, the reds, the blues,… it’s an appeal to all and sundry to attend the Prayer” (better call it a Service)….



Well, since the military is again in the Hot Seat…,so hereby, we all agree in principle that WE ARE ALL EQUAL…the politicians, the intellectuals, the lawyers, the activists, the Looters ,the Plunderers,…(forget about the AWAM…!!)….we are all equal at least until the dictator is in the chair…”



Oooops! The prayer was about to begin... We are getting late …

O the Peoples…line up your ranks...straighten your rows lest the Satan comes in your hearts…



What’s that hue and cry…people are quarreling over the direction to face up …there’s an exchange of HOT Words…tempers are getting loose …people are hurling to a STREET FIGHT…there’s a danger of a stampede…the situation is getting out of control…people are after each others throats…a blood bath is imminent…



O What a fortune!!…there comes a wise man out of the crowd and settles down the issue once and for all… he suggests that although every one has THE ABSOLUTE RIGHT AND ABSOLUTE FREEDOM to head in his own direction, be it US, EU, Common Wealth,…but since all these are VIRTUALLY CENTERED around Washington…so lets all face towards the White House …the Holy White House…the dispute well settled according to THE WISHES OF ALL PEOPLE…now the rows are straightened and the prayer commences…

The recitation of Holy Verses from the “Do-It-Our-Way Plethora of US” starts…the Imam with all humility begins with a few verses from Testament of Democracy…the verses are from the chapter “Paradise of Freedom” and highlights the virtues of democracy and underlines the sanctity of human rights…next come a few verses from the Testament of Ethics…then a few verses from Testament of Civil and Human Rights…and finally here come a few verses from the latest Testament of Terrorism…which underlines the importance of Delivering and Installing Democracies the world over…it narrates the stories of an ANCIENT INFIDEL NATION, THE AFGHANS, who invited the WRATH of the LORD as they refused to accept the HOLY DECREE of the LORD …it also reminds you of the evils of dictatorship and autocracy…the humble plea being completed and after an excellent expression of our devotion…



(The Lord ARRANGES THE FORGIVENESS of all our sins on behalf of the AWAM…the corruption, money laundering, autocratic politics …the list is long enough)



…now it’s for these oppressed peoples to ask for the forgiveness of Almighty Sam…



In the name of democracy, the whole crowd bows before the Lord…



And finally its time to ask for the Blessings of Thy Lord, the time for the DUA. The crowd now kneels down to its knuckles and prays in a single voice, “the VOICE OF PAKISTANI NATION”…



“

O my Lord , O Lord Sam , we, the suppressed and oppressed people of Pakistan, request you in the most humble notion that ,we the wronged souls of Pakistan need your DIVINE HEALING TOUCH to bring back life into the MUPPET OF DEMOCRACY …we appeal you to please come to our rescue and save us from the CARNAGE of the armed TYRANT…save us …please save us from the GENOCIDE…please save us from the RENAISSANCE OF HOLOCAST…please save us from falling prey to the sword of the GENERAL CHANGEZ MUSHARRAF KHAN…because…to be very frank …since you might have guessed from our plea and prayer that we are indeed a nation of buffoons, loonies and chumps…we need your handful deed …O Lord Sam…please AVENGE THE MURDER OF OUR FREEDOMS AND RIGHTS…O lord please help us in bringing democracy to Pakistan…O lord ..Democracy…Mercy…Freedom.. Rights…O lord bless us with the Bliss of democracy…

”



And what a great surprise!!

The Lord is so impressed by our humility and devotion towards democracy…that he immediately responds to the prayers of the Nation…he willingly accepts our appeal to bring democracy to Pakistan and promises the BELIEVERS of SUCCESS both in THIS WORLD (Pakistan) and the HEREAFTER (Washington, Saudi Arabia, Dubai And London…the EscapeLands)…and also promises Hell for the oppressors…the fundamentalists shall be sent to HELL as a bonus…



(Since the Genuine & Original HELL was already teeming with the Sinners, there was an increasing accommodation problem going on…

Thereby, considering the PUBLIC CONVENIENCE and in the WIDER NATIONAL INTEREST, HELL has now been shifted to Guantanomobay…the HELL MANAGEMENT TEAM has promised to that this NEW CAMPUS of HELL shall not only be fully capable of accommodating the ever increasing number of MISCREANTS but will help to provide better PRIVACY to the RESIDENTS…nobody will ever get a bleak of their PRIVATE LIVES…



Plans for opening new SUB CAMPUSES of the HELL are also under consideration)



The orders of the Lord are forwarded to his ANGELS, the CIA …for immediate action…the PROPHETS IN THE CONGRESS are also informed…



Finally CIA chalks out a comprehensive and FOOL PROOF PLAN to DELIVER DEMOCRACY …democracy shall be delivered to the people just the same way as Man-o-Salwa was delivered …



Three primary plans are worked out…

The fourth plan is fall back strategy…and is well tested







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Plan A



Code Name: The Home Delivery Service



“Delivering democracy to each and every house hold with a pin point precision”



Marketing Jingle: “Democracy in Your Bedroom”



Details : THE DEMOCRACY PACKAGE shall be disguised as the Goodie Bags and delivered to each and every house hold via F-22 bombers…this plan in the Urban Terrain shall also have a good amount of Collateral Blessings…







Plan B



Code Name: The Courier Service



The Visa Card / Master Card democracy



Marketing Jingle: “Universal Acceptability”



Details: This package shall be offered only to those people who are in REMOTE AREAS and specifically in CAVES…the democracy package will include SPECIAL PRIVILEGE of being tested with the cruise missiles and any other LATEST APPLIANCES as and when MANUFACTURED





Plan C



Code Name: The Red Carpet



The Carpet Bombing



Marketing Slogan: “Equality of all before Mercenaries”



Details: It’s A WORLD WIDE PACKAGE…anybody can SUBSCRIBE TO IT just merely by keeping a beard…democracy shall delivered to the entire peoples in the form a Rain of Blessings…THE FANTASTIC FIRE TOYS shall be dropped over the entire landscape…it all goes with your luck but rest assure there shall be ENOUGH TOYS FOR EVERYBODY…

No discrimination whatsoever shall be made against any citizen as laid down in the US constitution… all shall be equal before the Mercenaries….





Plan D



Code Name: Change Over



Marketing Jingle: “Time tested and most reliable”



Details: Countless decades of research , analysis and testing …we have found this method to be the most successful…we have seen it work many times and it works equally well around the globe…it involves just a mere change over…which may be facilitated in the name of democracy …





The facilitation involves either A COO OR A PLANE CRASH…







The decision as to which plan shall be put in to implementation shall be taken after reviewing on-the-ground situation. However Lord Sam expresses his resolve and commitment to Bless the Pakistani Nation with a Bliss of Democracy…





The entire crowd is so jubilant to get to know that their prayers have been answered…suddenly there’s an up roar in the crowd…



Long Live Lord Sam….

Lord Sam ki jay….

Lord Sam Zindabad…

Pakistan Paindabad



(Earlier such a Deliverance of the Nation was celebrated by Decade-Long Democratic Celebrations whereby the two lead performers stole… infact, robbed the show along with the entire nation)









Written By:

Muhammad Ahsan Akbar

Member Pakistan Think Tank Organization